Dear Susan,
I went to a very nice barn to enquire about riding lessons and the woman in charge looked me up and down, snorted, and walked away. I feel hurt. I didn't park in any of the Dressage Queen only spots. Why was she so rude?
Dissed by Dressage
Dear Dissed by Dressage,
You must have been at a Snob Barn. There is something about the combination of form-fitting riding pants and tall black boots (or half chaps) that puts people in touch with their diva side. I know my step becomes brisker when I'm in my riding clothes. Some people cannot recognize this phenomenon for what it is --tight pant euphoria--and it begins to affect the way they see themselves and others. A related version of this syndrome can occur with tight jeans and cowboy boots. Add a cowboy hat and it's inevitable. If you are treated badly by someone experiencing tight pant euphoria, I suggest that you not take it personally. The best course of action is to get your own tight breeches or jeans. The added confidence they will provide will allow you to saunter confidently into even the snobbiest of barns.
Dear Susan,
I have just begun riding dressage. My coach keeps me and my horse on a lunge line and we go around in circles for 45 minutes. This is quite embarrassing. Why won't she let me hold the reins and ride around by myself like everyone else?
Lunge Line Loser
Dear Lunge Line,
Your coach is trying to help you develop what's called "a seat". Now, if you're anything like me, you have no shortage of seat. That's not the kind of seat I mean. A seat in riding refers to your ability to sit in the saddle correctly. It involves developing core strength, balance and flexibility. Getting lunged without reins or stirrups allows you to focus on your seat rather than worry about handling the reins or controlling the direction of your horse. It also allows you to build up impressive pain tolerance, second only to people who enjoy certain types of sadomasochistic rituals. Being lunged will flush out any lingering back or neck issues you might not be aware of. And let's not forget the amazing gains in humility!
If it makes you feel any better, at the Spanish Riding School trainees are lunged for years before they ever take up the reins. Some riders go on "lunge line holidays" on which they are lunged for a week on someone else's horse. Strange but true! Finally, even though it hurts, remember that if your horse decides to have a bucking fit or bolt, at least she's on the end of a lunge line. It hurts less to be thrown in the middle of the ring than into bleachers. I'm just saying.
Good luck!
Dear Susan,
I began riding a month ago and I LOVE IT. I think I'm ready to invest in a nice dressage horse. A man I met at a big show said he knows of just the horse. He took me out behind the washrooms and showed me a video that he just happened to have right there on his laptop. Well, that horse was amazing! It barely touched the ground when it moved and even though he said it only just turned five it is already schooled up to Prix St. Georges. Should I send a deposit or pay the full amount now?
Unlimited Purchasing Power
Dear U.P.P.
Do neither. Let me rephrase that. Don't be a silly ass. Here's the thing. You have been riding for a month. You should get a horse who has all four feet planted firmly on, if not in, the ground. That amazing imported horse from Europe who barely touches the ground is likely to make sure that you spend a LOT of time on the ground, most likely with a face full of dirt. If this horse has been trained to Prix St. Georges and has only just turned five, it's a fair bet that its mind has been blown along with its body. Dressage horses are started late and if they are trained classically, they progress slowly. To push them hard when they are young is like signing up a little kid to run marathons or compete in Iron Man. It borders on abuse. Young horses don't have the musculature to do higher level movements so your fancy horse will probably not be sound. Here's what I think would happen if you bought that horse.
It would come off the trailer at your house and seem fine. That's because of the tranquilizers. As it began to recover after its long trip from Europe, it would begin to appear larger and more intimidating until you had what appeared to be a fire-breathing dragon afflicted with early onset dementia in your paddock. There would be snorting, pacing back and forth, leaping and pawing the ground. Then, as the pain killers began to wear off, there will be limping and stumbling added to this mix. At that point you'd put your new horse in a stall to help it recover. This is when the vices would begin to show themselves. Between the cribbing (sucking air), the wood chewing and the weaving (swaying back and forth), you wouldn't catch on that the horse was biter before it was too late. And since your horse would probably never recover, you would end up the proud owner of the world's most dangerous and expensive lawn ornament.
I encourage you to give the imported horse a pass for the time being. Instead, consider that nice old horse down the road. The one who happily walks, trots and canters and enjoys a good trail ride. Safety first, U.P.P. Don't be a sucker. That's the key to enjoying the sport of dressage.
Dressage Advice Courtesy of Grain of Salt Productions
